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Gender Odyssey [Jul. 24th, 2007|01:58 am]
Trans Marriage
Hi guys,
Just wanted to drop a note about Seattle based conference Gender Odyssey: This year we are also producing a conference for parents with trans children, so if this relates to anyone in your network we'd love to try and spread the word. Also we are still looking for volunteers, just write in at volunteer@genderodyssey.com if you'd like to help out. Great line-up this year guys, with a trans awareness week of events lined up just before the conference, a film fest, and tons of new workshops. Hope to see some of you there,
M. in Seattle
www.genderodyssey.com or www.genderodyssey/family.com
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suit advice--ask yr boys [Nov. 3rd, 2006|08:50 pm]
Trans Marriage

[mood |contemplativecontemplative]

i'm looking for some advice. i've got a partner all wrapped up in grad school applications 'til december, so i've been slowly plotting out our semi-destination wedding (getting married where we met/his hometown in AK). he maintains he won't have to worry about getting a suit until much later, and because he's lost so much weight since he's been on t and being a super workout kid, he thinks he shouldn't even start looking 'til he's close to the time of the wedding. but he's a slight guy and a little on the short side (around 135 lbs and just under 5'6")--i think he should start looking into getting a suit because he'll probably need to make at least some alterations because of his size. he's bought a suit before, but just at a store, it was never properly hemmed or fitted. i just don't want it to be a stressful race against the clock at the end, when we'll have other things to worry about. the wedding's not 'til june, but we'll be moving a significant distance in may.

does anyone know of a good store/tailor for this kind of situation? we live in the chicago area and we travel through seattle occasionally, if that helps.
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mah dress [Sep. 26th, 2006|09:17 am]
Trans Marriage

[mood |energeticenergetic]

mhmm... i think my search for a dress has ended. i put this on my journal under lock and key, but i figured i could get more feedback on it if i spread it around on this lovely community...

liz says carrick can't see itCollapse )
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responsible rings [Sep. 23rd, 2006|08:41 pm]
Trans Marriage

when i started looking for rings, i was really concerned about the environmental and sociopolitical toll diamond and metal mining takes. i read a lot about blood diamonds, and how in southern africa, money from the diamond giants like debeers is usurped by corrupt militant groups to fund violent political campaigns and coups. there have been efforts by diamond companies to try and stop this, but it has not been completely successful.

besides sociopolitical effects, diamond and metal mining is also really environmentally wasteful. all of this grinding and digging and mining and crushing and chemicals--just for a couple little gems?

needless to say, i was conflicted on what to do. i couldn't put a ring of my finger that represented love that had come from such a irreprehensible process. i didn't want to be a part of any of that destruction--i wanted to be against it. so i found some responsible sellers that i'd like to pass along to those of you who find these issues significant or important.

www.greenkarat.com is a jeweler that sells and makes custom jewelry from recycled metals and responsibly mined gems. they really can make you whatever you want--check it out! my guy and i have decided to go with them for our rings.

www.responsiblejewellery.com (a council on responsible jewellery)

www.sumiche.com (our of portland, OR)


www.canadia.com is a super fancy canadian diamond seller. canadian diamonds have only been harvested starting recently (within the last decade or so), and most companies have really good standards. there are many other canadian diamond sites, including wholesalers.

even if you want to use your local jeweler (which i completely understand), i encourage you to ask them about their gems and metals. it never hurts to ask.

x-posted to everywhere....
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(no subject) [Sep. 2nd, 2006|07:31 am]
Trans Marriage
I've just been barbecued for 24 hours on a very popular FTM partner community.

I am trying to be a good mod here. I check this journal every day. I will respond to any flaming quickly and promptly with the best action possible.

However, I would like to keep [most] of my personal life out of this community, at least as far as flames go. If you have a problem with me for any reason, please direct it to email.

At this point, I don't know where to go for support anymore. I feel alienated. Like a laughing stock. Which, I am not. I'm just a woman working very hard to support her dreams and her family. Since when did that become so wrong?

What if the roles were reversed?

Which brings me to this, oh wonderful community members: If, upon getting married; one partner works and one doesn't...Why does that automatically cause people to go up in arms. I've seen this a LOT with stay at home moms for example. People think that they "sit around and do nothing" and "don't contribute to the home". In my opinion, being a SaHM is MUCH harder than working all day.

Since when did it become taboo to only have one person working? I know this is the juggle-as-much-as-you-can era, but to expect two people to always be working no matter what outside the home is a bit much.

How would this affect a marriage, do you think it would spawn issues? Or is it something that is best left to the couple's discretion? Why do you think people so often offer their "opinion" on someone's "lazy spouse" instead of trying to see the bigger picture. I know at least 3 stay at home moms who catch flack a lot for this, and a lot of partners who do!

Please speak up, and keep it kind if you can. Any flaming will be frozen. Just wanted to hear some opinions. :)
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(no subject) [Aug. 25th, 2006|10:19 am]
Trans Marriage

[mood |friendly]
[music |wilco // yankee hotel foxtrot]

hey all! i just wanted to say hi and introduce myself. this journal is a purely wedding writing journal for me, but you might know me as demidyke from some of the other trans partner boards.

i've only been engaged for about a month now (i'm 21, he's nearly 24), and we're planning on a wedding in june. (it was something i thought we'd do eventually, but the more we talked about doing it, the more we thought about doing it sooner.) we're getting married in juneau, alaska, which is the hometown of my fiance. i've just started in on this whole planning adventure, and i'm glad there's a community here for us.

to the mod/open community--is this group only about trans-related issues to marriage? (i.e., birth certificates, legalities) or is it also about planning and events and stuff? just wondering...
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(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2006|09:27 pm]
Trans Marriage

Well I just found this community tonight and I couldn't be happier about it. I am currently engaged to my ftm fiance, Shane. I'm 23 and he's 22, been engaged since December, planning on a wedding next summer (June or early September - just trying to figure out a location). We live in Illinois and all it takes to get married here is a drivers license, which he got changed after T and top surgery this past May. I'm a member of a few other wedding communities, but none of them address the issues that we face as being in a trans relationship as well, so I'm happy to have found this one.

A big question I've been fretting over lately is my relatives. All of our friends and all of his relatives know about him and he's passed without any problem with all of my relatives but we think it may be easier to let the rest of my relatives know, even if some of them may not talk to us again (though if they react like that we wouldn't want to associate with them anyway). My parents know and they deinitely have their share of hang-ups, which inconveniently didn't come out until after they found out we are engaged. Just wondering if any of you were dealing with similar questions/situations and how you're dealing with them.
- April
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(no subject) [Aug. 24th, 2006|07:50 pm]
Trans Marriage

Hi everyone. I'm Cole and I'm new to this community. I'm a 20 year old FTM (2 years on T, top-op will be happening next summer), engaged to a wonderful 21 year old bio-girl. So far we really don't plan to get married soon because of school and because of insurance (my insurance will be covering my top-op and covers my T, so I can't afford to lose it right now). She'll be graduating this coming school year... and following my graduation, we'll be able to move in together.

My parents are fine with my transition (my dad is actually ecstatic that he now has 2 sons). They absolutely love my partner (I'm sure more than they love me.. lol). Her parents are just finally starting to like me (after 2+ years). Their main issue with me being that I'm trans, but I think that they're finally starting to get that I'm a good guy and that I love and care for their daughter.

So far I haven't gotten any legal documents changed mainly due to lack of money and pre-op status. I'm from MN, so I shouldn't have too much trouble getting my BC changed, and even if that was a huge issue, she's from MA (where I go to school and plan to live after college), so we'd still be able to get married (just not recognized by the rest of the U.S. *flips off Bush*)

So, hi.
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to tell or not to tell? [Aug. 24th, 2006|11:54 am]
Trans Marriage
Next week, my femme gf of 4 years and I are tying the knot. We are throwing a large outdoor wedding here in Seattle and have many folks coming that I haven't seen in years, like family friends. In addition, I have never met any of her extended family and they are all coming, plus some friends of hers from college I don't know, and so on. Although I am FTM, most of her family doesn't know, in fact, only her parents know. And some of my friends from work don't know. It's almost a paradox, I am really unclear of when is the right time to tell others, esp. if it doesn't seem to have any bearing on the relationship. My family has been so cool about it but for some they haven't seen me since I started transistioning about 5 years ago. They just know I'm Matt now, and it's likely I am more awkward and nervous than they are.

How do you deal with taking on not only your family, but your spouses family with your queerness? Trans is just so misunderstood. We must seem so normal. We're white, middle class, we work full time. I'm about to start grad school, we have cats. We keep clean house. We have friends. And in this way, her family maybe doesn't have to know that I'm trans or even that she is queer. Because I'll tell ya, we pass so damn well even our own community doesn't recognize us sometimes. And this marraige certificate seems to seal our fate.
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Michael Kantaras - Ohio Birth Certificate [Aug. 22nd, 2006|07:07 pm]
Trans Marriage

[mood |cheerfulcheerful]

I’m not a lawyer and I don’t play one on television but here’s my take on the Ohio birth certificate situation.

Michael Kantaras had his birth certificate amended via court order pursuit ant to R.C. 3705.22, which states:

“An original birth certificate filed in the Office of Vital Statistics cannot be altered or changed in any way. A copy of an original certificate of birth which has been accepted for filing by the local registrar must not be altered or changed. However, any original birth certificate filed in the Office of Vital Statistics after December 20, 1908 may be amended by one of the following method: (1)affidavit, (2) amended certificate, (3) court order. According to law, any item recorded incorrectly on a birth certificate may be amended by affidavit or by an amended certificate”.

According to the documents in his own (custody) case, Kantaras was diagnosed with Gender Identity Dysphoria and “successfully completed the full process of transsexual reassignment, involving hormone treatment, irreversible medical surgery that removed all of his female organs inside of his body, including having a male reconstructed chest, a male voice, a male configured body and hair with beard and moustache, and a naturally developed penis.”

I think Kantaras was able convince the judge that due to his “medical condition” the original designation at birth (female) was indeed incorrect, so correcting this error on his birth certificate was in absolute compliance with R.C. 3705.22.

Another poster mentioned that Ohio might have “wised up” after all the publicity surrounding the Kantaras case, and thus began rejecting requests for amended birth certificates. This may be true, however since precedence is huge factor in law Kantaras’ victory makes a strong point for others to get the same consideration.

So yes, I do think an Ohio-born trans person can get a legally amended birth certificate if the person is on hormone treatment and has had SRS. Thoughts?

x-posted to ftm
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